Happy Mother's Day

It's crazy to think that last Mother's Day, I was anxiously waiting to have my baby...though I had a long ways to go! This year, I woke up to his big smile while my mom was feeding him. I'm in awe of how big my "peanut" is getting! He really is starting to feel less like a baby and more like a toddler. He amazes me every day.

But I'm not going to blog about myself and Roan today.

One thing that's been bothering me since I became a mom...and it breaks my heart...is how much moms tear each other down. Some of it I've experienced myself and some of it I've heard about through a second or third party. It can be as simple as a disapproving glare or flat-out harsh words. Yes, sometimes that is warranted. But often it is not.

I've seen and heard this done on both sides of issues such as breastfeeding. Moms disapproving of other moms going straight to formula. Moms disapproving of other moms breastfeeding their children that they feel are too old. Yes, science shows breast milk is best for babies...yes we could argue and debate all day long about that issue. But some moms, like myself, honestly tried their very hardest to make breastfeeding work and, despite all our best efforts, it didn't work out. So guilt, shame, and all those emotions come flooding in...then to turn around and have a mom "friend" make you feel worse is like pouring salt on the wound.

And let me just say it now...that should not be.

I've been made to feel guilty for being induced at 41 weeks instead of 42. Of course, I wondered if I would have had a c-section if I weren't induced...if it was my fault that I had a c-section...if the fibroid that was blocking the birth canal wouldn't have been there if I wasn't induced (though I'm 99% sure it was there before as I had a "sizable" fibroid that showed up on an ultrasound at 8 weeks). But then I remember my OB's words: "There's no way he was gonna come out on his own."

Yes, I was induced. Yes, I had an epidural. Yes, I ultimately had a c-section. And yes, I was only able to breastfeed my son for 3 months. Yes, I work full-time and yes, my son goes to daycare.

Does that make me a bad mother? NO. I refuse to let anyone tell me that or make me believe that. Roan is healthy and making strides daily. There is not a single area where I feel he is lagging or not developing like he should. And even if he was, who's to say it was because of any of those things?

This issue especially bothers me when it is "Christian" mothers who are dishing out the condescension and head-shaking.

If you are a mom and claim to be a Christian, I urge you to read Scripture and ponder it good and hard. Especially if you feel the Holy Spirit convicting you. James talks a lot about our words (tongue) and the damage it can do.

1 Corinthians 10:23-24 “’All things are lawful, but not all things are helpful. ‘All things are lawful,’ but not all things build up. Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.”

It may be your lawful "right" to voice your opinion about parenting issues, but consider whether or not your words will build up your sister in Christ. Or, furthermore, if it's a non-believing mom, even more reason to think before you speak! We are Christ's ambassadors. Often how people view Christ and the church depends on us. People are listening to us and watching us.

Noel Heikkinen did a great series at Riverview called How to Kill a Church (<- link: drop down menu at the top can take you to it) and one of the things he talked about was how we can cause dissention in the church with our words and how damaging that is.

God does not want us to tear each other down. If it's not a salvation issue, it's not worth ripping someone apart. If it is "not beyond what is written", then we should not be pouring salt on each others already-bleeding wounds or offending each other.

So, moms...moms who work hard to do the best for their families on a daily basis...let's support one another and lift each other up rather than slap each other in the face. Think before you speak. Offer a hug or encouraging words instead of disapproval. And have a very Happy Mother's Day!