Well, our house has been filled with the cries and screams of Roan Keane.
It's hard to pinpoint his fussy-ness. Is it the weather? Growth spurt? Gas? All of the above? I love him so much, but when he just won't stop crying after having tried every trick, I feel like I'm going to lose my mind! It helps to have a break to regroup...and Sean has been great about letting me have those breaks.
I know...and have to keep reminding myself...that Satan is trying really hard to get me to not enjoy this time of Roan's life. I have got to fight that. I don't want to look back on this time and regret not enjoying it more. Though it's hard to enjoy the moments when he's screaming, haha. I think those times I'm more in survival mode.
I get SO stir crazy being at home; staring at the same walls and watching so much tv. Sean's been on dad duty so I could relax and go to Target & Biggby. The whole time I wanted to be home with my boys - even though one is constantly crying. At the same time, I was driving home really slow, haha. It was weird to want to be home but also not want to be home.
As a new mom, I feel pressure to always have a smile on my face...to always respond with "Oh yeah! I'm GREAT! Roan is GREAT! Having a baby is GREAT!" Not that having a baby isn't great...it's just a challenge. A huge challenge, though an even bigger blessing. I've had so many mom friends tell me that it's perfectly ok to not feel that way all the time...and that no one is expecting that. Yet I still put that pressure on myself.
I really just need to learn to put my selfishness aside for Roan. Another area/way I have to die-to-self. I get so upset when Roan wakes me up from a nap...or during the night. As if I should expect any different, haha. I definitely respond that way because I'm groggy and still half-asleep...and I immediately feel bad and apologize to Roan. It's hard to correct that behavior/mindset. I mean, when I'm groggy or half-asleep I can be so irrational!
Well, my "break" is almost over and I feel like I should spend the rest of the time laying down and giving my back a break. Or eating something haha.
1 comment:
number one, all of your feelings are normal and expected. Never try to force yourself to feel 'good'. You just had a baby and lost a huge amount of hormones...add to that all the babyness that takes a ton of getting used to and the lack of sleep is all a killer. Be easy on yourself. There will be good times and super hard times. feelings will ebb and flow. Never think you should be feeling or acting in a different way, just go with the flow.
Second, please, please, please, think about going to the new mama group at the birth center. I found the group so very helpful and supportive. Every time I went people felt the exact same way I did. I felt completely supportive and 'OK' with what I was feeling. They meet the first and third Fridays each month from 1-3, so the next group is this Friday. It truly is a wonderful group and it will get you out of the house. Not only will you meet other new moms but it will get you out of the house too! And it's a welcoming and comfortable group.
OK...off soap box now! :-)
Please don't feel isolated. Come hang with us! It will get better and easier, it's just a huge adjustment.
Remember you're loved!
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