What I Wish I Had Known

What I Wish I Had Known or Have Learned 
through becoming a parent

1. I am now a sappy, emotional mess. Aside from all that goes on hormonally after having a baby. I get choked up at nearly everything now. Weddings? Forget it. Any movie with kids or a mother-son relationship? Without a doubt, I will cry.

2. Your body doesn't bounce back immediately. I know, some might say "duh" in response to that one, but seriously. I had pretty bad problems with my left hip & lower back, especially towards the end of pregnancy. I remember thinking/saying "I can't wait till he's out so I can start feeling comfortable again." Ha. My hip is finally back to normal, mostly, and my back is better. But I've actually had new pains develop...mainly my tailbone. I think that's because of how I sat holding Roan. It hurts to sit for any length of time, and if I sit for a real long time, it hurts to stand up.

3. Feeding is not always the answer to crying. At first, I (and I think Sean, too) thought that any time he was crying, he was hungry. But there are other things that babies cry over: wet/poopy diapers, gas, too cold or too hot.

4. It's really hard to go anywhere with a baby. Even if he's not fussy...if he's perfectly content...I feel rushed to get in-and-out of the store as fast as possible so we can get home before he gets fussy. Timing things around his feedings helps, but Roan haaaates it when he's in his car seat & has a wet diaper.

5. What it does to your marriage. Ultimately, this is all making Sean & I stronger. Right after Roan was born, we were sort of in this honeymoon phase. Especially because of how long & difficult Roan's arrival was, we felt this flood of emotions and a super intense bond. I remember thinking "I know this isn't gonna last, but I wish it would." I was right, it didn't last. We've had some of the most difficult (if not the most difficult) times in our marriage in the last almost-4 months. But even those difficult moments are only making our marriage that much stronger...because we work through it. 

6. How un-supported and/or judged I would feel at times. This is a big one. I mean, I'd heard that people get into really heated arguments about parent issues, but I thought that was mostly stuff like discipline. However, I've found that on a few occasions I have felt looked down on for a few things....

• being induced before 42 weeks. "I could have done it. I could have waited longer." That's great. Thanks for making me feel like I'm weak and inferior to your super-strength. Also, my OB feels that after 41 weeks, the risk of muconium in the fluid increases. I know she would have let me go longer, but I was ok with being induced when I was a week past my due date. And now knowing what was going on with my body, it's a GOOD thing I was induced when I was. I either would have had to anyway, or I would have gone into labor but ended up with an emergency c-section which was even more dangerous for me than most women.
• having a c-section. This especially in light of the fact that I was induced. Though usually when I say why I had it, they stop judging and sympathy takes over. I still feel the need to explain myself, though.
• having to put Roan in day care when I return to work. A lot of people feel very strongly about this one. I don't want to put Roan in day care. At all. But bottom line: we have no choice. I have to go back to work. My parents are 2 hours away and can't afford to retire & take care of him, and Sean's parent's can't afford to do that either. It really just pours salt on the wound to get flack for this one. 
• not breastfeeding Roan anymore. I tried. I REALLY did. I had lactation consultants coming to our house twice a week for at least a month, if not longer. Roan has a recessed chin and a really hard suck. I was in pain...even with a nipple shield on. I extended my leave to be with Roan & I was not going to spend the entire time frustrated and angry. Crying through feedings, gripping whatever was nearby because it hurt so bad, and resenting him...not gonna do it. Especially after all we went through. I pumped for as long as I could, but supply diminished despite my best efforts. Yes, I did try that, so don't ask.

It's enough to make me want to shut down completely and not talk about those things with anyone at all. Ultimately, I just wish that we, especially women, could stop being so cold to each other. Being a parent is hard. We don't need to make it worse by casting judgment on each other. Plus, if you call yourself a Christian, it's not Christ-like in the least. They aren't "big ticket" issues like salvation or blasphemy, so there is no need to get all up-in-arms about it. It will only cause division, which is no bueno.

7. "Sleep when baby sleeps" is easier said than done. Sean and I got used to Roan being up all the time & waking up every 3 hours that our internal clocks were all out of whack. We're back to normal now, though we still don't go to bed till 11:30pm or later even though Roan is always asleep by 8pm. It's nice having "us" time.

8. Never leave the house without milk or formula, whichever the case may be. You never know how long you're gonna be at the doctor or the store. Any number of things could keep you there longer and then next thing you know, they're hungry and you have no food. This happened to us at Roan's first appointment and our doctor was not comfortable with me breastfeeding him in the room, at least that's how she came across (I did anyway, though covered up...and we switched doctors). Obviously, if you're breastfeeding, it's really not an issue.

9. Phantom cries. When Roan is upstairs in bed, we hear phantom cries over the monitor (when we think we hear him moaning or crying) all the time.

10. This is the most amazing, beautiful experience of our whole life. Despite all the difficulties, all the tears, all the frustration, being a parent is incredibly rewarding and worth every bit of it. All it takes is for my son to smile at me and my heart melts.