Mindset Re-Do

I've come to the realization/conclusion/revelation...whatever...that Roan will come when he's supposed to come. I know I've said that before, but in the back of my mind I was still wanting to control things & make him come now.

I tried a lot of tricks yesterday to get things going...all to no avail. Disappointing? Yes. But it forced me to realize that no matter how many "labor-starting" cookies or cupcakes I eat, no matter how many long walks I take, if it's not time for Roan to come yet then those things won't change that. So why stress about it?

Yeah, the whole part about Sean's work definitely adds anxiety. But regardless, it will all be fine no matter when Roan comes. We'll figure it out.

The bottom line is I realized that I don't want to spend my last days of pregnancy stressed out and hating it. I want to enjoy it. I want to relax as much as possible & just cherish every arm swoop & rib-bruising kick my son dishes out.

I had to reach a similar realization when we were trying to get pregnant. I so wanted to control things and just get pregnant. I stressed myself out about it all the time. I was depressed & jealous of every pregnant woman I knew or saw. It took me months to get to a point where I realized that that was no way to live. And it wasn't fair to Sean. The next month we conceived.

So, I hope that I'm learning my lesson...finally. I hope that I'm getting better at giving up my false sense of control & learning to trust God and His timing.